My MySpace Friend

Meet my friend "Kody". He spells Cody with a "K" how awesome is that? Kody and I go out and party all the fuckin time. We also say "fuckin" a lot. Ain't that fuckin right Kody? Haha he didn't respond. He has been hittin those nitrous balloons hard all day, I think he is unconscious. Anyway when he comes too we are going to head out to try and get some girls, or as Kody says "We gonna find some cooters to dip our pencils in! I fuckin love me some pink stink". I fuckin love his colorful language.

I bet you are asking yourself how did I get such an fuckin awesome guy like Kody to be my fuckin friend. Well I'll fuckin tell you how. Through this fuckin awesome site called MySpace. You see MySpace is a place where awesomely rad guys like Kody go to "network", and I was lucky enough to have him choose me as a friend.

Kody just got up. I thought that fucker had stopped breathin for a while there. Haha he told me to "shut your man pleaser, and pass me a brew". I think we are about to head out, you can check out my awesome MySpace profile here.

posted by John 6:30PM

The Hippie Tree Planter

Is there a better place to look for love than online personals? If you said your local Boys and Girls Club, you sir are two steps ahead of the game, and probably a registered sex offender, you rascal!

I am going to be answering some online personals here. This is what we in the business of seduction refer to as "wooing". So, read on to see how I woo the fuck out of these internet sexpots.

These are real personals and these are my real responses to them. However, my tits, they are fake.

I'm genuine and more interested in what I have to offer than what I need.

I am more interested in what you have to offer than what you need too.

Lets Go To The Movies... Drunk

Is there anything better than going to the movies shit-faced drunk? Yes many things. However, like a hottie having a good time, it is pretty fun.

Everyone knows that being drunk makes just about everything better. For instance the joys of fucking, singing, and driving all drastically improve when drunk, especially when performed simultaneously.

Movies are no exception. They are far more enjoyable when you are retarded drunk. Hell, if I go to the movies without a few in me (and my trusty flask at my side), it gives me a funny feeling, like a clown is molesting me.

Not only are movies more enjoyable when drunk, but being drunk makes you far more qualified to judge the quality of the film afterwards. Qualifications being based upon who can express their opinion the loudest, with the most saliva being excreted per statement. For instances here were some of my top movie reviews.

Anchorman
Me: "That was funny as shit! The ending was very slow though. Kinda a let down."
Friend: "Dude you past out with like 30 minutes left, we kept having to wake you."
Me: "Whatever, I past out because it was slow."

Bukkake Bot

There are various "bots" you can talk with on AIM. The trick is to get them to have ridiculous conversations with you about topics such as...

- What ethnicities they hate and why?
- Kinky sex.
- Who or what they have killed.

The two most popular bots are "SmarterChild" and "ZolaOnAOL". Here is a convo I got out of Zola the other day.

ZolaOnAOL: Do you have any friends?
chrudat22: Why you want to party?
ZolaOnAOL: Because an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
chrudat22: Nice programmed to party! Do you do full on bukkakes or what?
ZolaOnAOL: Yeah. I'm interested in full on bukkakes if it's legal and won't hurt me. What's involved?
chrudat22: Its safe I promise. Basically it is just a bunch of guys cumming on your face. Sound good?