Women have it easy. Their only goal in life is to get knocked up. How easy is that? Especially since all women not in my immediate family are tremendous whores. After they get knocked up, they just travel around the world, eating cake and getting fat. It is the good life.

Some women are ambitious and go to college. They are trying to get knocked up by more successful sperm, so they can have better vacations and eat more cake. It is a scientific fact that a college degree is completely useless to a woman. Even if she wants to carry on the charade and get a job, they are exclusively hired based upon how impressive their rack is. When a woman goes to an interview, she just smashes her tits up against the interviewers face. You may say, "But fat women and ones with no tits have jobs how do you explain that?" To you I say, shut the fuck up� bitch! Gays and women with nice racks hire those fatties and itty bitty titty committees because they are non-threatening. It is economics 101.

You may point out that there are single mothers who fail to cash in on their meal ticket. Hmm, interesting point, but didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? Keep this up and I will cut you. Single mothers are still on easy street because they get to have the most awesome job in the world, stripping. Here are just some of the reasons why stripping is so great.

• Strippers only work 3-hour shifts twice a week.
• Strippers make on average 50 million dollars a year.
• Strippers get to show up to work intoxicated.
• Strippers have an extremely relaxed dress code.
• Strippers get full health and dental (which also covers their bastard children).
• Strippers get to network with many important people.
• Strippers have easy access to a myriad of different narcotics, the rest of us have never even heard of, and would have to pay good money for.
• Strippers get to dance. What girl doesn't like to dance?
• Strippers get great 401Ks.
• Strippers develop an amazing amount of self-esteem. They get money thrown at them for how they look, which must be incredibly satisfying. When talking with a client no matter how mundane the subject he seems interested and constantly compliments her character.

So excuse me if I do not shed a tear for single mom Sue Anne with her grueling 6 hour a week work schedule and incredibly cool coke habit.

Let this be a wake up call for all you guys out there. If you get tricked into knocking a girl up you will spend the rest of your life toiling away deep in some mine, while she visits Paris for the sixth time and shoves pastries into her increasingly bloated face. I hate to say it but the best way to ensure this never happens to you is to practice the big A.

What the hell is abstinence? I was talking about anal sex. You just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you motherfucker? You done fucked up now!