December 4, 2005 Nice Acting Retard Opps I did it again. I came up with another brilliant idea, and possibly played with your heart. Like nearly all my brilliant ideas, this one involves retards. This is not surprising since retards are one of the most valuable and under utilized natural resources in the world, like whale blubber. I had just seen the third trimester abortion of a movie called "The Ringer". In it, the renowned thespian Johnny Knoxville pretends to be retarded to rig the Special Olympics. Obviously, this was a huge stretch for him. JK nails this role though, by exaggerating his normal mumbled delivery and taking a few well-placed shots to the groin. This is Knoxville at his finest.

Sadly, the rest of the cast ruins this movie. Those retards could not act for shiny objects, friendly cats, candy, or a hug. That's how bad they are! Every time they tried to convey some emotion, I was fully aware that they were acting and it totally sucked me out of the story. I came to the harsh realization that retards just cannot act. Then I had my brilliant idea.

Well your nipples are probably chapped and bruised from all this foreplay so let me just put this brilliant idea in you. I want to make a movie with retards that do not know that they are in a movie. Everyone else will be following scripts and acting out a fantastic storyline about monsters or something. The retards will be in every scene but we will not tell them that it is not real. They may use their retard strength to thrash our hero during the romantic love scene for "hurting the lady", or they may decide the monster is a friend and constantly hug him. The possibilities are endless and hilarious.

posted by John 1:20PM