Drunk Driving

Some things are just inherently cool like smoking, heroin, pink shirts, and Steve Guttenberg. Drunk driving is also high up on that list. It is basically a rite of passage into cooldom (so is using the term cooldom by the way). Only the coolest celebrities get DUIs like Nick Carter, Tracey Gold, and Chris "Motherfuckin" Klein. Those are only the ones awesome enough to get caught. If you needed any more convincing that drunk driving was super cool, did you know there is a whole organization of mothers against it? Everyone knows moms are super lame, so if you want to be a nancy mamas boy/girl go ahead and don't drive drunk.... pussy.

I have driven drunk many times. I feel I owe it to my bumper to give it a little workout. I have done curb checks, wall checks, parked car checks, bike rake checks, and killed someone (don't worry I am pretty sure it was an immigrant). In all my nights (and days) of drunk driving I have never had to drive drunk on a highway. Until last night that is, and let me tell you, like a woman registering to vote, it scared me.