chrudat
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How do I get my girlfriend to have anal sex?

Booze and condescending remarks about her vaginal elasticity.

My boyfriend beats me up quite often. I dunno what to do..

Whatever he tells you to, duh.

What do you do if you know the girl you've talking to online for a while really likes you but won't give you her number?

Threaten her with physical harm.

I really want your body. I want you to fuck me hard and fast. How do you feel now?

Snackish. You know I could eat, but I don't really want a meal.

I have a boyfriend but I can see he is kind of getting bored of me so what moves or what should I do so that I can turn him on so that he wont get bored of me anymore?

Why do I always get these "how do I please my man?" type questions. Maybe you should try asking him if he wants to try anything new, or if you are shy, you can just pee in his butt.

Ok, so I was dating a guy who likes to shit on people's cars (btw, I think he got that from u), I know u think that's classy, but now he won't leave me the fuck alone... I know your solution to dumping wives, but how do u dump a man of such extraordinary class?

I'll tell you what you shouldn't do and that is shit on his car. Never match anuses with a seasoned fecalphiliac. As you know the best way to dump someone is to release a bodily function in a completely inappropriate place. Try puking on his cat/dog.

Well, I am a horny 57-year-old woman. Your letters turned my crank so far that I cum out of my crust old cunt for the first time in years. Talk dirty to me baby.

Mom?

I told my Gf that when I put my hand down her panties it feels like I'm feeding a horse out my palm! The little hairy whiskers, the warm moist breathe.. just like I'd let a great stallion gobble up a polo outta my hand. She told me that sucking my dick felt like cleaning out her ears with a cotton bud.. my question is .. do you think we should marry or not?

GOD YES!

I rarely, if ever, ask advice. However I'm bored, so perhaps submitting my personal life to your acerbic viewpoint may alleviate my suffering for a time.

I thought that was Snackwells, Betty Crocker, and Entenmann's job.

I've fallen for a boy three years younger than me, for reasons inexplicable to me and all the voices in my head. Not even licking the duct tape distracts me from thoughts of this male for long. So, like, what the fuck, whatever. I met him online, go me, where shall I join up for the geeks4leif club?

Can I duck tape your fingers shut?

This is merely incidental however, as my real question is thus: I have no objection to sex, I think it's perfectly natural, if somewhat hilarious in execution.

Only when you fuck a clown.

However, I'm old fashioned and conservative, and refuse to partake until I've gotten him suckered into wedlock. So. I say no, sorry dude, he says ok because he loves and respects me (I assume... hope rather). Is there any way to continue in the line without making him into my complete and utter pussybitch?

You assume he is not a "pussybitch". Trust me he is. Be grateful for that or he probably wouldn't be bothering with you. Feel better now?

My friends bet me over �100 that I couldn't pick a girl up, screw her from behind, push her face into the pillow with my foot, and yell " who's the daddy!" I did, I won, they lost. They won't pay up. What should I do?

Apologize to your sister.

I like putting large objects in my cat's rectum but recently she hasn't been moving. Should I buy a new one?

Yes, a bigger one.

How do I stop the itching in my anus?

Take that Arab's cock out.

How do I score a southern boy?

Marry his brother. The rest will work itself out.

I think about other guys, I'm a guy myself, yet I have a girlfriend. Am I normal?

Yes you are a normal closeted fag.

I got this IM from a chick that sounds totally hot. Sweetheart1987826 or something. Anyway, she says that she thinks I'm really cool and she has this webcam that I can come check out. Well I got to the website and watched some pale girl mangle herself with a dildo for a while when I realized that her voice on the webcam mic was way different than her voice that I imagined when I read her IM. Is there anything illegal about that? I feel like its false representation and that I rubbed off to a total stranger.

You sir, were badly victimized. I would contact your local congressman.

I love a girl who lives three hours away from me and has a boyfriend, and I have a girlfriend locally. What should I do?

You should go have rough sex with your local girlfriend. Then pee in her orange juice. Next mail your "love" the rag you use to clean up your splooge after you masturbate (you want her to get accustomed to your scent). Once your musk hits her nostrils it should send her into an erotic frenzy. That is when you kick down her door and sodimize her. I know it seems so obvious now.

Me and my ex-wife have been divorced 4 years... I'm engaged.. she's married...we are still sleeping together and can't stop... is this even a problem.. Or should I stop?

Of course not! She is also your cousin right?

I think this girl likes me I asked her and she said no then blushed I told her I don't care if she does and I might like her but she still said no and blushed again. I want to bone her.

I think your going to be a virgin for a couple more years.

At what point does making fun of others for their imperfections, race, retardation, etc cross the line? I just want to know so I can get there.

A philosophical question. All moral values are relative, so I would say you crossed the line when someone bigger than you punches you in the mouth.

Yo I'm wyte but I have all black friends and I act black but yo I cant seem to get a black girl I want one wat should I do?

Get a job at KFC.

Does getting a facial from a guy cause acne?

Yes except for when it's from me. Incredible I know.

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