July 27, 2006

What Do You Do?

I just got back from a couple weeks in Washington "DC" (that's street slang for District of Columbia). Believe it or not there are some striking differences between the people in DC and Florida.

The people in DC are dorks. They don't appreciate the Florida style. A fella like me can't even rock some body glitter and get his glow stick on without getting quite a few disconcerting looks. I can't help it if I always have a wicked beat in my head!

Seriously though, the major difference between people in DC and Florida is that in DC the first question everyone asks you is "What do you do?". In Florida this question is usually an afterthought, sometimes muttered in a post-coital embrace. Floridians judge people almost exclusively on their looks just like God intended. Washingtonians are shallower and judge worth on some meaningless social standing. Floridians go out to fuck not network.

Luckily for us Floridians there is a way to avoid a mind numbing conversation about work. To illustrate how I will use some examples from one of my nights out in Georgetown.

I went to a party a couple of lobbyists from "The Hill" (that is street slang for Capitol Hill) were having. Naturally the people attending were eager to yap about their bullshit positions in our illustrious government. Here are a few examples of how I skillfully avoided a bullshit work conversation.

Girl1: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a freelance gynecologist."
Girl1: (laughs) "You are crazy."
Me: "That is DOCTOR crazy to you!"
Girl1: (laughs)
Me: "Wanna see my van?"

And another one

Girl2: "What do you do?"
Me: (looks left then right) "I'm a sex ninja."
Girl2: "Haha, seriously?"
Me: "Shhh!"

I'm probably going to move to DC so I am going to have to come up with quite a few more smart ass responses to the "What do you do?" question. I'm looking forward to it.

posted by John 5:57PM