February 07, 2006

Valentine's Day

There is something in the air. It smells like fresh baked desperation. Valentine's Day must be just around the corner.

No matter how much they try to pretend it does not matter to them, all girls want a date for Valentine's Day, which they affectionately refer to as a "VD date". Since girls pretty much suck at sports, drinking, and taking punches they need to get assurance of their worth in other ways and Valentine's Day provides the perfect venue.

Human females have evolved to not go into "heat", and to conceal ovulation (you sneaky minxes). Thankfully, the approach of Valentine's Day sends single girls into an emotional "heat". The few weeks leading up to Valentine's Day is the easiest time of year to get laid. Girls buy more shit than a retard at a hug clearance sale. I am sorry that was wrong I know they are called "little people".

A guy can pretty much say or do anything he wants because girls want, no wait need, to like him. If he says something about "Megan's Law" she will assume he is a lawyer. If he is covered in blood and complements her on the shape of her skull, he must be a brain surgeon. Moreover, if he smiles and nods she thinks he actually finds her interesting and cares about her as a person.

Now is the time for guys to make their move. Storm her castle, fondle her towers, and plunge into her moat. I do not know what that means, but it is probably hot.

posted by John 5:25PM