June 06, 2006

No Regrets

The most annoying thing anyone can say to me is "I live my life with no regrets". Luckily for these people I live my life with plenty of regrets, because I immediately regret not smashing their smug faces with some sort of blunt instrument suitable for dispensing a hellacious ass-whomping.

Either they are painfully un-self-aware or they are so desperate to appear happy that they feel the need to pretend their lives are some sort of perpetual nirvana were they let nothing "harsh their mellows". I find consolation in the fact that 11 times out of 10 these people are fucking miserable. They try to create the impression that their lives are so great so they can delude themselves into believing it. They refuse to honestly evaluate their lives and fix whatever it is that is fucked up. It really is pathetic, yet it pisses me off to no end.

A pretty common regret people have involves losing their virginity. For girls it is more about who they lost their virginity to. They may regret giving it up to their high school boyfriend who told them that he would love them forever because he was desperate for poon, or they regret letting their parents ask their uncle to baby-sit them for the weekend.

For guys on the other hand they regret how they performed when they lost their virginity (though I am sure a lot of girls regret how the guy performed too). What guy can honestly say that he doesn't wish he could go back and give that girl a proper thumping? Not just because you'd be fucking a 15 year old, but because you were so horrible at it then and you can really lay some pipe now. Whether you came too quickly, you didn't cum at all, it kept slipping out, or she kept waking up, so much could have been improved upon.

Of course I don't have that regret. Everything I have ever done is perfect, and I am completely content in every way. Please believe me!

posted by John 5:01PM