July 14, 2005

Ain't No Fun If The Homies Can't Have None

I was listening to the old radio on the drive home and 99 Jamz "old school song of the day" was Snoop Doggy Dogg's "Ain't No Fun If The Homies Can't Have None". Well at least they tried to play the song. The censored version has long periods of silence.

If you are not familiar with this great little ditty, I suggest you go download it immediately to your pretty pink IPod, you pussy. It is a good song, but more importantly, it is hilariously misogynistic.

One of my dreams in life is to be able to perform this song live at a karaoke bar. I think that would be awesomer than a handjob from Helen Keller (you just know she's the best).

The full lyrics can be found here. I will post some of the "best" parts here.

This is DJ Eazy Dick, on the station that
slaps you across your fat ass, with a fat dick
- Intro

When I met you last night baby
Before you opened up your gap
I had respect for ya lady
But now I take it all back
Cause you gave me all your pussy
And ya even licked my balls
Leave your number on the cabinet
And I promise baby, I'll give ya a call
Next time I'm feelin kinda horny
You can come on over, and I'll break you off
And if you can't fuck, that day, baby
Just lay back, and open your mouth
Cause I have never met a girl
That I love in the whole wide world

- Nate Dogg (Opening verse. Notice the brillant use of the word "gap", and the reference to her giving him head cause she is on her period.)

I know the pussy's mines, I'ma fuck a couple more times
And then I'm through with it, there's nothing else to do with it
Pass it to the homie, now you hit it
Cause she ain't nuthin but a bitch to me
And y'all know, that bitches ain't shit to me....
I'm Kurupt
Hoe you'll never be my only one, trick ass beeeitch!
- Kurupt (Dat is some cold shit yo!)

Guess who's back in the motherfuckin house
With a fat dick for your motherfuckin mouth
- Snoop Doggy Dogg (Poetry! Look out Maya Angelou.)

So back up bitch cuz i'm strugglin, so get
off your knees and then start jugglin
these motherfuckin nuts in your mouth
It's me, Warren G the nigga with the clout
- Warren G (Better do what he says he has "clout"!)

posted by John 9:52PM