November 16, 2005

Frat Guy Antics

'Twas the first study day before finals and my fag hag Gilbert and I had just finished working out. After we hit the showers and before we hit the books, we decided to call up "the house" and see if anyone wanted to have a Snappa tournament.

We enlisted about six or seven people so the next logical step was to buy four cases of beer (the high life of course). Upon reaching our home on 10 Frat Row, the people that had so cheerily volunteered to dismiss their responsibilities had all miraculously grown vaginas.

There really was only one thing left for Gilbert and I to do: a 1 on 1 seven game series. To say it started off tumultuous for Gilbert is like saying Tara Reid sort of likes penis. Gilbert drank four beers in the first fifteen minutes of our seven game series and had puked twice within the first half an hour. At one point, it was like I was having a pie-eating contest against Nicole Ritchie, just a lot of puking.

Memory of said game gets fuzzy but Gilbert and I both remember a point in time when we looked left and there were about 38 beers stacked up in a giant pyramid on the table next to us and easily about 20-25 people just watching us play. I blacked out for the majority of what happened after that, but I have been told that during a piss break, Gilbert went out to his car to get a CD. I assumed he was driving somewhere so I ran out into the middle of the Frat Row parking lot on a Wednesday at 2 PM and jumped on his car... oh yeah, by this time I was down to my boxer briefs that were rolled up into my ass making a thong (or maybe it was a thong I can't be sure).

Once the game ended, G called up his usual penis parking spot to come over (while still smelling like sweat and vomit.) She was the roommate of my ex-girlfriend with which I had a glorious sex tape that at the time not everyone in the world had seen yet. In my drunken stupor I bust into Gilbert's room "Dude! (wink, wink) there is a movie you HAVE to see! (wink, wink)" Gilbert gets out of his loft mid-sex and walks to my room where I am showing everyone the video. Gilbert then returns to his prior boning.

As if I had not done enough, I then jumped the balcony and walked the ledge to Gilbert's window, opened it (at which point the girl dives under the covers) and I start to have a normal conversation with Gilbert. Gilbert yells, "Why'd you stop!" at the girl who then goes back to blowing Gilbert's stinky, stinky manhood. I THEEEEEN proceeded to call people over to the window "Yo! Come check out Gilbert getting a BJ!" A line formed at the window and I kept it moving orderly while continuing my conversation with him. I imagine at some point we wrapped up the conversation and I left. I miss college.

posted by Captain Holler 3:12PM