April 28, 2005

Exit Only

I was browsing The Facebook last night. I came across a slut's; I mean girl's profile that had her ass featured as the pic. Tattooed above her ass is the phrase "Exit Only". I laughed at the absurdity of this then moved on. I have seen stupid fucking tats in my day. This was nothing too ridiculous, but for some reason I kept thinking about it. In fact, I laid awake thinking about this girl and her exit only tattoo. What must she have been thinking I wondered. After about an hour I was finally able to reconstruct what happened. Here is what I came up with.

The girl gets a tattoo on her lower back. She loves it and loves to show it off. She jokingly remarks to her friends that she should have got one on her ass that says "exit only" (she got the saying from one of her numerous fuck buddies who tried to fuck her in the ass and when she refused he said "Oh is it exit only?" which caused her to laugh because she had never heard that one before.). Her friends giggle hysterically at her suggestion.

It then dawns on her then that this is the cleverest thing she has ever thought of and she begins to consider it seriously. Furthermore, she thinks the tat will be an excellent conversation starter with guys. Since the only conversations that she enjoys, and can take an active part in involve sex. This tattoo would be the perfect tool for her. She could show it to a hot guy, he would laugh, because who wouldn't it is such a hilarious saying. Then she could tell him how much she "hates when a guy tries to put his dick in my asshole". This would be a natural lead in for her to prattle on about how much she enjoys sex in her vagina, what positions she likes, how good she is at sucking dick ect. God why didn't she think of this earlier this is the perfect tat. She goes to the tattoo parlor and tells the heroin addict behind the counter what she wants done. He of course thinks this is immensely clever, and totally rad. She goes in the back and pulls down her pants (further than need be because, well, she is a whore). The heroin addict stencils in "Exit Only" over her ass crack. He checks it a few times for spelling, and then begins burning the ink into her flesh. She is in pain, but she is completely convinced that this is an awesome tat.

Now lets say some loser ends up marrying or dating this girl seriously. Every time he is hitting it from behind (which is often because that is obviously her favorite position) he is going to see "Exit Only" right above her ass. What is he going to think? First, he will think, "Oh great, I will never get to fuck this girl in the ass". Then from the boredom of throwing his hotdog down her hallway he will ponder the tat further. He will realize that it is a reference to her shitting. He will become disgusted with her. Then his thoughts would turn to why she would get a tat like that. Invariably he will come to the conclusion that she was fucking so many guys, and so many were trying to stick it up in her ass that to save herself the hassle of having to say no, she got this tattoo.

This tattoo successfully conveys the message that she is a crazy slut who shits, and does not like it in the ass. A powerful statement!

posted by John 2:39PM