March 13, 2005

8 Inches Stacked

I have to post something.

I went out to a bar with some friends. One of the girls I was with was not 21 yet, so there might be a problem with getting in.

I go up first and show my ID. Then I try to shove her through ahead of me. The bouncer gives a "Hey, hey". Luckily, I knew the bouncer. He was a friend of a friend from freshman year. So, I tell the girl to go and pretend he is saying hey because he remembers me.

Me: "Hey man what's up. I haven't seen you in a long time. You're still in Gainesville? ect"
Bouncer: "Oh yeah John right? Yeah you are the guy with 12 inch dick right?"

To explain that statement I have to take you back to freshman year. My friends thought it would be funny to tell every girl that I had a 12-inch wang (remember we were freshman so it was funny). Basically, I would play it real cool, and people would actually start believing it was true. Eventually this progressed to me telling girls I am "8 inches stacked" and having my friends confirm it. I have not used that line in over a year though. It is a little something called maturity folks. I have grown up so now when I tell a girl a lie it is more subtle. It is all part of the aging process.

Anyway fast forward to the present time. Upon hearing the bouncer, one of the girls in my group takes it upon her self to try and destroy the myth.

Floozy: "What? 12 inches? No, he is not. Trust me."
Everyone at the door sort of laughs. I laugh it off as well.
Floozy: "Actually he is small."
Bitch! Trying to bring down my 12 inch penis myth is one thing, but I'll be damned if I am going to let her get away with trying to start a new unfavorable one.
Me: "Don't listen to her she is FUCKING LOOSE! I can't help that can I? Oh and she is a SLUT!"

I walk into the bar to a chorus of "Ohhhs". I saved as much face as I could considering the situation. It is never good to have that debate, because of course people are inclined to believe the girl. The only way to respond is to flip it on her. Here are some examples were this is applicable.

Her: "Your dick is small."
Me: "Your vagina is loose"

Her: "I am pregnant."
Me: "Do I know you?"

Her: "Who were you with last night?"
Me: "You look fat."

You get the idea.

posted by John 8:34PM